"Still not congratulated today"

I lost the toss of modesty and life, but now I try to keep myself happy before pleasing others! Today, a graduation party for a young woman who passed out of Harvard will be held at Georgia Diner, and preparations are underway for that. My shift is from 5 pm to 2 am. After a long day of work, before starting duty, I sit at a table on the street side of the restaurant, sipping on a Starbucks Venti-sized hot-chai latte with whipped cream, watching the strangers come and go, and thinking, how scared the girl must have been when I picked Tultul up late from school today. The trust in her small hand holding my finger... The way she swayed on her hair comb like a cockatoo and recited poems... She is a wonder, it is like the bewilderment of my own creation! Tultuli's growth, my loneliness, the silence of the evening light and darkness of the restaurant... Here is a dream Some people walk with money in their pockets, and others' dreams disappear like fireworks in the sky. I couldn't have won if I wanted to. I could have enjoyed life like you... I could have sold myself, but I didn't realize it before. Don't get me wrong; stupid people might think that selling yourself means selling your body, but smart people know how to present yourself in the eyes of others in various ways and be successful. Although intelligence is needed here, talent is not needed much, because this selling process depends entirely on one's speaking skills and mass communication. There is no other way to survive in the competition in turbulent times. However, even if I have talent, I don't have the ability to manage these people! That's why I lost my chance at Harvard, and I couldn't keep my love alive despite being a madman. My footsteps are like the subway singers who are sighing with broken dreams. I could have easily avoided this responsibility, nipped it in the bud. I could have seen Tultul's innocent face, but I couldn't!

Manager Williams came and said, hurry up and start working. After coffee, I got busy organizing the party at the restaurant. The confident, smiling young woman was my age. I thought the boy who was always by her side would be my boyfriend. The girl's success made my past failures and mistakes twist my heart again; if everything was fine, I would have graduated today too! I would have thrown a party like this girl. When everyone at my age was happy, I set aside some time for Tultul. Luckily, I got this job at the restaurant after returning from rehab. This job is necessary for me and my daughter Tultul. I want to forget the painful past I left behind, and one day I will return to my dream campus, Harvard. And that's why I sometimes have to work double shifts to cover the expenses of university classes. I don't know why I keep thinking about Alex today. What a cruel twist of fate, two different My life in society was neglected like my mother's; but my mother did not lose, I know I will not lose either, and I will not let my little one lose either.

Two.

My Dubai expatriate father, after marriage, would leave my mother in a rural town in Bangladesh with his joint family and return to the country every two years; and would go abroad again after two months. We, four sisters, made my mother's life a living hell. My grandmother suffered from a terrible disease day and night due to the restlessness of lighting the lamp of the family, and would give my mother all the mental pain she could. When we grew up a little, my New York expatriate uncle immigrated us to New York. When it was difficult to run the family with my father's meager income, my mother would take care of all the household chores and meet the needs of our four sisters by supplying handmade roti, pitha, and shutki bhorta to various Bengali shops. Then she saved up money and bought a sewing machine and, sitting at home, sewed clothes for Bengali women from different areas of Queens. Today, my mother is quite self-sufficient by sewing. Everything was fine until I went to Harvard. While living in the dorms, I became accustomed to the hustle and bustle and partying until late at night rather than studying with my friends; and somehow I passed the exams.

When I met Alex, I was a sophomore. Alex was earning quite well in an SAP IT job. But his family history bothered me. Alex's mother, Saluda, a native of Ecuador with limited English, made many mistakes in the excitement of her youth, but later paid the price for them brutally. For temporary pleasures, she only went from one man to another, and each one gave her a child to avoid responsibility. In her late teens, she really wanted to marry someone, but all the men cheated on her. And now she is a single mother of five children, each of whom has a different father. Although this is not a problem in the Spanish culture of America. Here, women are more comfortable living together than settling down at a young age. In most cases, they do not want to get married for fear of divorce. And this is how they spend many years, sometimes even centuries, of their extramarital life. Alex has certainly learned the identity of his father through DNA tests of his mother's lovers.

He has struggled all his life in a shelter on Saluda food stamps and EBT cash while raising five children. He has stood on the streets of New York and sold pinaculata, nuts, and ice cream in the summer; he has sold gloves and hats in the bitter winter. Now his children are all earning money, they all have dinner together on Mother's Day, give her gifts.. This is where he is successful and happy.

Three

Because of my dark complexion, long hair and black eyes, Alex loved me like crazy, and so did I. His intelligent behavior, regular gym workout, and his boundless care for me made me eager to be near him all the time. Whenever we got a chance, we would hang out together, watch movies, and go shopping. At one point, we became so close to each other that I would occasionally spend my free time at Alex's apartment. However, there was always a fear that Alex would leave me, just like his father had cheated on his mother Saluda. So, forgetting my self-respect, I would occasionally talk to Alex about marriage, bringing up the topic of Bengali culture.

But whenever the topic of marriage came up, Alex somehow avoided it. Two years passed like this - one day I realized that I had conceived. When I told Alex about it, he expressed great excitement. That evening, Alex took me to a family dinner with his mother and family to celebrate the happy news with everyone. At the end of dinner, Alex surprised everyone by showing me a diamond ring and asking if I wanted to marry him because he didn't want to be alone anymore. We got married very quickly and I moved into his house. I told my parents not to go to New York on vacation because of the pressure of my part-time job and studies.

Alex would drop me off at the university and pick me up when classes were over. On the way back, we would eat somewhere and buy things for the baby. I noticed that he bought everything for the baby in blue. I would tell him to get some pink clothes too. He would say, I want a boy, let's see if it's our boy. I would be shocked if the baby wasn't a boy. Even when Alex's mother and sisters came home, they also wanted a boy.

They had many girls in their family, they didn't want any more girls. My world became gloomy; In a country where equality is the rule, some people still want their baby to be a boy; I also believe with all my heart that we will have a boy. On the day of the ultrasound scheduled for four months, Alex was very excited, he made breakfast himself, drove me to the hospital instead of going to the office. At the beginning of the sonogram, Alex told the sonographer that the baby must be a boy, he didn't want to hear anything else except a boy. When the sonographer saw that the sex organs of the fetus were female, he was hesitant to say anything, but at Alex's request, he had to tell the sonographer that the baby was a girl. Immediately, the room fell silent and I burst into tears. Alex left the room before the sonogram was over. After that, I kept calling Alex, but he didn't pick up the phone or come back to pick me up. Even after calling his family, no one was available. I called a taxi and went to his apartment, but before I could reach him, he had gone somewhere with his belongings.

Alex was gone... I had no papers for his house or the financial means to stay there. There was no food in the house to eat. I was completely unconscious due to the pain, humiliation, and uncertainty of another life growing in my body. I would go to my parents and tell them that I didn't even have a face. I was hungry and dizzy while taking classes at the university and was hospitalized. There, considering my physical and mental condition, I was sent to rehab for my recovery.

Then my parents brought me back to New York. Tultul was born... Three aunts and grandparents surrounded Tultul all the time. Alex, of course, realized his mistake and contacted me later, but I could no longer accept the man who had left me alone while pregnant. I didn't even let him take any responsibility for Tultul. If Tultul ever grows up and knows that even in this 21st century civilization, being born as a girl was not at all appreciated by her family... the girl will be very sad then.

It is bitterly cold outside, the bright moon is hanging in the sparkling sky. Such a beautiful world, but there is no one waiting for me anywhere. No one will say, I love you for all your failures. I feel very lonely looking at the men and women busy laughing, joking and dancing. I was sitting quietly during my work break, when Williams came next to me and put his hand on my shoulder and said, Everything will be fine, baby! I was shocked, because Williams' touch spread like an electric shock to the very roots of the tree of life.